Peter of Apple Town visits Tortall
by RachMachine
Summary: This stroy is absoulutly hilarious. It's about a boy named Peter that meets a bunch of Tortallians; including Daine, Numair, Alanna, George and others! Plz read!


Peter of Apple Town visits Tortall  
  
A.N: I don't own Tamora Pierce... SO... Um... That's all.  
  
Must stay awake... Alright, one day in Apple Town (nods off).........  
-OH! Where was I? Oh yes! A boy named Peter was eating a granny smith apple...  
SNORE! I'm awake! I'm awake!!! Annieways, here's the story!  
  
A knife flew up behind him and hit his apple. A man named George stepped out from behind a rock sitting in the middle of no where which is in Apple Town. George cackled maniacally and they were suddenly in the middle of no where in Tortall.  
"Why am I in the middle of no where in Tortall, George?" Peter asked knowledgably.  
"Umm......." George passed out and died.  
"Agg!!!!" Alanna flew in on a mop and knelt next to her lifeless husband. Her purple eyes blazed and she turned quickly and sharply upon Peter.  
Peter stared confusedly at her with his gray eyes whiles his curly short brown hair ruffled in the wind. "Eh?"  
Alanna ran gustily over to Peter and swept him into muscular arms. "You're... You're..."  
Eyes closing.... AH!  
I'm awake! Don't let them take me! ? Oh.... Back to Alanna.  
"Your sooooo hot!" She hugged him tightly and he began to melt. (Literally.) "NO!" Swiftly, she called upon Numair (in his boxers) and Daine (in her p.js).  
"What?" He stared longingly at his wife and then back to the Lioness. "How long will this take?"  
Daine giggled. "Ice wolves, come!" She shouted loudly and 10 or 20 ice wolves came galloping up to her. In turn, they blew upon Peter and then disappeared. And when the were finished, Peter was a block of ice.  
Daine laughed cheerily and jumped into Numair's arms. Alanna laughed too and patted Numair on the back. "That's all, you two can go."  
The Mage and Magelet embraced and disappeared into the void. Alanna sighed, "Where's my hairdryer?"  
Gary popped out of the void and held an ice pick and ramen noodles. "This is all I could find," he said.  
"K!" Alanna squealed and popped into the void, with Gary.  
Fred came from out of no where. He said, "Iggleysoopers beware!"  
Then suddenly he left and Peter was in a bar. He saw a pretty lady who was alone and sat across from her.  
"Hi. I'm Josiane." She said.  
"Hi, I'm Peter. What's your sign?" he asked trying to hit on her.  
"This." She pulled a big, orange sign out of her pocket. The sign said:  
  
BEWARE OF THUMP!  
  
"What's thump?" He asked sipping a drink of 7-up, sprite, Coca-cola, orange mountain dew, 7 cups of coffee grinds, 3 salt packets, a scoop of blue sherbet and whipped cream with cinnamon sprinkles on it, that popped out of no where.  
"This!" She said and thumped Peter who fell off his seat with another thump and into....  
A LARGE NOSE!  
"Alanna!?" Peter twirled around looking for his strong lady knight.  
Alanna fell from the nosey sky and hugged Peter. "Eww! You smell like mucus!"  
Peter shrugged and pulled a big gooshy blob of you-don't-wanna-know- what off his gray-t-shirt.  
From far off, haunting giggles erupted. They sounded like Daine's.  
"Ewk!" Peter gasped. "I don't wanna know WHAT they're doin'!"  
Alanna sighed, "We have to find 'em! They can get us outa' this..."  
"Snout." Badger-god popped up for only a second to supply the word.  
"Yes, snout." She shook her head as another giggle floated down the hall. "You lead."  
The Lioness followed the boy down the nose trail to the door that said 'Mr. and Mrs. Salamin.'  
Giggles filled her ears and Peter cringed. "You're openin' it!"  
The lady knight's hand found the knob and turned it slowly.  
The 2 closed their eyes and stepped into the room. "Make yourselves decent, we need to talk!" Alanna's voice flowed over to Daine who stared confusedly back.  
"Are breeches descent?" She asked oddly. "I'm dressed."  
The visitors opened their eyes and stared at Viralidaine Sarassi who sat in the floor in front of a T.V that was playing "That 70's show".  
Peter gaped. "Oh, you're dressed?" He sounded disappointed so Alanna hit him.  
"Yup, sorry I was laughing, it's just so friggin' funny!"  
The knight chuckled, "Oh, well then where's Numair?"  
"In the kitchen, making breakfast, we're makin' omelets. Want one?" Numair walked in wearing an apron that read "Kiss, hug, give money to, and be obsessed with the Mage."  
All laugh  
Alanna sighed in relief. "I was scared you were.... Annieways, how do we get out?"  
Numair laughed. "Ha ha!!! You thought ..... Ha ha!!! Daine, did you hear that?" He clapped his knight friend on the shoulder. "Nope, 2-day is Thursday- we are making omelets on Thursdays. Tomorrow, we make orange- juice."  
He went on about other foods on other days and Peter cut him off as he said that on Wednesdays they make luv. "We want out of this snot-house!"  
Daine clicked off the television and cleared her throat. "Well, that's enough T.V; Numair, fix our friends some breakfast."  
The tall mage lumbered back to the stove and served up 4 plates. "Do sit, here's your food." He states as he handed out the dishes.  
They all dug in after Alanna protested to leave and lost. Unfortunately, Numair can't cook very well and they all died. Therefore an apocalypse was inevitable and the world and life as we no it, ended. 


End file.
